For many of us, struggling with codependency is a familiar way of life. It is how we know to function in a relationship. This makes it difficult to step outside the relationship and look in so that we might recognize challenges to our selfhood.
Here are some questions to explore:
Do I avoid
going places by myself? If I do go somewhere
by myself are my thoughts/actions directed toward the person not present? (For example, texting, leaving voice
messages)
Do I feel a
sense of guilt just thinking about engaging in an activity by myself that would
help me to develop a new talent, gain knowledge, learn a new skill, etc?
After I
engage in an activity that fulfills my own needs/wants do I then do something
for the other person as a way to ‘make up’ for taking care of myself?
Do I
experience emotional discomfort/anxiety when my ideas, opinions, perspectives,
contrast with the other person’s?
Have
connections outside my primary relationship diminished in quality and/or
quantity?
The purpose
of these questions is not to beat ourselves up or to blame others. By simply asking them, we are taking that courageous
step which marks the beginning of any journey toward self-change-
BECOMING SELF-AWARE.
In the next
chapter, we will explore how to begin to make small changes in our relationship
that support ‘wholeness’.
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