Yoko Ono, Half-A-Room, 1967
For many of us struggling with codependency, the concept of ‘wholeness’ can seem unfamiliar and out of reach. Living as a ‘whole’ person means continually working toward developing our natural talents, abilities, and interests/passions, essentially, nurturing those things that inspire/motivate us. This can be greatly hindered by our primary relationship- i.e. spouse, partner, etc. In a codependent relationship, it is common to become so preoccupied and in-tune with the other person’s needs/wants that our own sense of self diminishes. It is, as if, without the presence of the other person, we exist as ‘half a person’.
When we are
out with others, engaging in a creative activity, or at school/work, it can
feel as if our thoughts/attention is split.
Half of our energy is directed toward what is in the here and now and
the other half is preoccupied with the other person who is not present. Others may even point out to us that it is as
if we are there, but not really there. As
a result, we may then begin to limit our time spent with those outside our primary
relationship. Gradually, our primary
relationship becomes our only relationship. In addition, if we are not used to
doing things without the other person, then we may avoid engaging in solitary
activities, thus further limiting opportunities to develop our selfhood.
Living life as ‘half a person’ can create all
kinds of uncomfortable emotions such as:
Anxiety
Guilt
Anger/Frustration
Depression
Resentment
In the next
chapter, we will ask ourselves specific questions in order to fully understand
how being ‘half a person’ impacts our everyday life.
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